Every time I talk about my au pair experience in the US, I like to share how awesome it was and how, even after three years, I still maintain contact and visit them. However, I rarely mention the issues I faced, especially at the beginning. I don’t tell this story often, but one month after my arrival, I was very close to going into rematch due to many miscommunication problems. When you join a host family, you’ve already had all this communication before your arrival, but at the end of the day, you are still strangers to each other. Right after a week, I felt like the family wasn’t very happy with me, and that’s when everything started to go wrong. They didn’t say anything to me, and I wasn’t feeling good. Instead of communicating that with them, I kept it to myself, which led to my relationship with my host parents deteriorating right from the start.

One afternoon, while I was doing some reading exercises with one of the kids, the host parents said I wasn’t being patient with the child, which wasn’t true. Looking back, I now know they were already frustrated with me because they felt I was distant from the family. Unfortunately, we had a disagreement that resulted in a meeting with the agency, where I thought it was going to be the end for me. But, surprisingly, what saved my relationship with my host parents was sitting down and having an honest talk.

Looking back, it seems ridiculous, but I understand that entering someone’s house can make you feel defensive. I promise that the best thing you can do is be honest from day one with your host family. Although it’s uncomfortable to discuss issues with them, I guarantee it is much worse to keep issues to yourself. My advice is to maintain open communication with your family and be reasonable with your host parents. Remember, if they asked you to come to their house to help, it’s because they really need it. If you do this little thing, I promise you will have a great experience like I did, and you will have a whole new family you can count on.

– Rui, au pair from Portugal